While in the preparation for this week’s blog the book I wrote 8 years after the death of my Tiffany called me – and this is where it opened………
”How did I survive? I ask myself over and over. How did I manage? ” The only answer I come up with is ; ”By the Grace of God go I.” I never had the strength to do it on my own . I am hard wired for Universal connection. I am tuned in to God and the Universe. It’s a choice I made. My choice to experience life through the Universal connection has brought me a new life. I am grateful for my choice. There is nothing more valuable. With the Universal connection I discovered my true self. I feel wanted, safe, worthy and loved. Expressing myself through spirit allows my communication to flow with authenticity and truth.
My life was in constant change. I lost interest in my business and life around me. It took every ounce of my energy to maintain a facade of normalcy. The truth is, I didn’t even know what I was going through. I had to find a new normal. The old normal was a thing of the past. I was putting one foot in front of the other. Tiffany’s sweetness, her joy, her love I was missing from the core of my being”.
”Living in small Town rural Alberta being ”known” is one of the curses when you’re trying to run and hide . I could go nowhere anonymously. Someone always seems to be there or would show up who knew the tragic story of my Tiffany’s death. I didn’t want to be reminded it was a reality. I was focusing on just getting through the day . I was silently screaming ”Please don’t ask how I am? Please don’t hug me and cry.” In order to keep myself together and in control of my emotions I had to keep everyone out .”
”Initially that was the course I chose. I was on automatic pilot, set to perform, sleep, perform and sleep again. Most nights I lay awake wondering ”Why”? Most nights I lay awake wondering how to escape the reality. Most nights I felt the pain of loneliness and cried and cried . I fought hard to hold on. People would comment ; ”Oh, you’re doing so well,” I would think ; ”They have no idea how I’m doing. ” I didn’t even know how I was doing”
So here I am 24 years later having found a new normal a new way of being! I am an expert in the field of grief by experience and by extensive study. No one knows like one who has been there. No one has the depth of empathy like someone who has lived it and survived.
I am blessed to be an avenue of support for those walking the path behind me.
Can I suggest you order my book ” Get a Life” as well as the CD’s I produced, ”Surviving your Loss and Shell Shocked Soldier”. ALL are available as a package deal. .
The truth of what I lived and the self-help tips that got me to where I am today are all written and spoken straight from my heart to your’s.
The Grief and the Holidays$0.00
Healing the Broken Heart – Prologue$0.00
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Digital Grief Book & mp3 CD Bundle$24.99