A common phrase these days is ; ”you choose”, but in grief ”you didn’t choose”. With death you had no power to choose. It was out of your control.
As you navigate your grief journey and become stronger you will be in the position to ”choose”. It’s not what has happened to you but rather how you handle what’s happened to you. When this realization dawns and you recognize that grief is a process only you can manage you’ve begun your growth through the grief journey. The only way is ”through”. It is tempting initially because of shock and possibly denial, to push reality away and avoid the pain. This is healthy only ”temporarily”. Shock is a blessing in the early days of loss. It numbs the person grieving to the fullness of their loss. With time the numbness/shock wears off and reality seeps in.
When you travel across the water in a boat, when you reach the other side you decide to sit in the boat and go nowhere – or choose to step out of the boat – or even go back across the water you’ve just traveled. You are in charge. You have the power.
During my grieving the death of my daughter it was this analogy that kept me pushing forward. I refused to stay in the boat, dead but still breathing. I refused to allow her death to be wasted . I chose to get out of the boat and become a beacon of light for those poor souls on the journey behind me. I know the hurt, the devastation, the confusion and utter disbelief that comes when facing life without your loved one in it. I chose to become a mighty warrior and I refused to be conquered. This is not saying I wasn’t on my knees more than I stood tall. My attention was riveted by the words in scripture that said plainly ”The Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. I came that you might have a life and have it more abundantly.”
Nothing crumbles a person like the devastating blow of the loss of a child. I knew reading this scripture (John 10:10) that if I crumbled the Devil would have won the battle for my life. He had come to steal my joy, my family, my marriage, my future with my daughter. He had come and killed my joy, my reason to go on, all purpose for my life. He came to destroy my happiness. I was barely surviving and his words said ”I come to give you life more abundantly”. I was numb and adrift in a sea of misery.
”I came that you might have a life and have it more abundantly.” Now those were positive, life infilling words. I know God’s words are always true as he’s incapable of a lie. I knew Jesus gave his life for me. I’m not saying this healed me immediately. It didn’t. I like you, am a human being and loss hurts. That’s reality !
It took time to absorb and grasp the fullness of the power within those words. I refused to allow the Devil to win after all that Jesus has sacrificed for me. I chose instead to grow through my grief, originally only in order that my daughter’s death not be wasted . I felt her life and death were my opportunity to become the best version of myself possible in this lifetime.
I encourage you my friend – Do not be conquered – become a mighty warrior one day at a time !! You are not alone. . You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You have the power to decide how you will walk this journey.